A coloured nurse with a fat black mole next to her nose was the first thing I saw as I woke. I was too high legal hospital drugs to be terrified. I was told that ripped out my I.V drip during surgery, that didn’t make sense to me. The black mole nurse inserted a drip into my right arm and did a shitty job at it, too disorientated to complain. Nurse Cunningham took me back to me my room. On the way there I remixed “I can’t feel my face” to “I can’t feel my legs” since the drugs numbing my lower body had not yet worn off. It seemed that Mother was waiting for me since she was in my room when I arrived. Mr. Du Toit’s wife was there and told me what a nice voice I had after I sang UB40’s “Red red wine” upon entering my room. Mother asked all the standard questions – how I was feeling etc. All my replies were inaudible as I hadn’t fully come around yet after surgery.

Mr. Bezuidenhout and Mr. Morris left us. No, they’re not dead. They were discharged and their wives must have collected them whilst I was in surgery. A new addition arrived during the day in room 210, an elderly German gentleman known as Mr. Heinz. According to the doctors he had suffered 14 strokes. He must have been German Chuck Norris because he appeared to functioning normally for someone who suffered 14 strokes. He appeared to be in his late 60’s with a full head of white hair. His hearing wasn’t that great, you really had to make yourself heard if you wanted him to hear anything you said. During the course of the day I learned that he lived in Summerstrand and played golf regularly. Golf isn’t my kind of sport, too patient and focused for my enjoyment, like chess.

Dr. Niazi came into the room a few hours after my surgery. He asked me to wiggle my toes which I found impossible no matter how much I commanded them to move. The drugs probably hasn’t worn off yet. He then pricked my feet with a needle on a few occasions to gauge whether or not I felt anything, still, nothing, no feeling. He told me that I should able to regain feeling by the next day.

I was jubilant at the fact that Ronecia had brought my something. I was ravenous and overjoyed at the same time. The food was placed on a paper plate covered by a navy blue lid. I lifted the lid to reveal a single chicken breast, three potatoes and carrots and peas. The chicken was soft and tender, the juices bursting forth as you bit into it. The potatoes wouldn’t let you go once you bit into them. The carrots and peas were average. It was a simple meal, but it was delicious simply because I hadn’t eaten sice yesterday. By the time I finished lunch, it was supper time, welcoming the thought of more food. In my plate lat a grilled fish, broccoli, butternut and mashed potatoes, all cooked to perfection. I don’t understand why so many people complained about hospital, it was like a hotel for the ill and I enjoted every second of it.

Once I was done stuffing my face, Octavia and her boyfriend, Lucian, paid me a visit. Octavia had a coffee with milk complexion, big boobs and a flat ironing board behind – Lucian was more along the lines of cappuccino. She and I began working for Pick n Pay at the same time and have been friends ever since. The cute thing about them was that they were both short. Neither of them had to stand on their toes to reach and kiss the other. The following guest were my granny and smurf hair coloured sister. I showed them my hospital approved underpants and piss bottle.

I couldn’t get out of bed the same day of my operation which meant I couldn’t make my way to the toilet. A nurse brought me a bottle for me to pee in. I found it difficult manoeuvring my cock into the hole of the bottle, at the same wondering if sex was this difficult. My first attempt was far from perfect – I ended up giving myself a golden sprinkle as I pulled out, along with the bedding. I improved on my following attempts.

It was time for lights out and I dozed off without a second thought, the drugs helped with that.
A large figure stood over my bed, shadowed by the darkness, I tried not jumping out my skin, praying that this figure wasn’t here to assassinate me in my sleep. It turned out to be a new nurse adjusting my drip. They must have changed shift whilst I slept. The new nurse was white and horizontally large. It was difficult to sleep straight through the night as the nurse took our blood pressure readings close to every hour.


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